Saturday, July 13, 2013

Who Needs a Will?

Plans for the future...
My Unit:  "You still have a headache?"
Me:  "Yeah."
Her:  "Why?"
Me:  "Sometimes my glasses give me a headache.  And I did smack my head on the freezer the other day."  (putting my hand towards the lump on my head)
Her:  "STOP TOUCHING IT!  But even before that, you were having headaches.  I'm started to get worried.  Maybe it's a brain tumor."
Me:  "I might have a brain tumor.  I might die from a brain tumor.  You always said you were going to outlive me."1
Her:  "So you're just going to die and leave me because of a brain tumor?  Who does that??  So rude."
Me:  "I know."
Her:  "So here's what will happen after you die.  I'll get a roommate and live in this house like a nun.  They'll move in here."  (gesturing to my office)  "Wait, no, I'll move back here.  I don't always like being up front because of potential gunshots.  I'll move back here."
Me:  "Are you going to repaint it?"2
Her:  "No, I'll leave it exactly as it is.  Like a shrine."
Me:  "With all my Barbies and everything?"
Her:  "Of course!  And who'd sell a DVD collection like that?  That's a woman-trap if I ever saw one."
Me:  "What about the animals?"
Her:  "Oh, they can stay and hang out.  Well, Doogie will have to go.  And you'll just die and leave me with nothing but books and Barbies and DVD's."
Me:  "And yarn."

1: It's funny because my Unit is eleven years older than I am.
2: My office is Pepto Bismol pink.

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