Curse You, Emeli Sande!

Curse you and your catchy song and your funky name!  Really just the song; you can spell your name however you like.  (Fun Fact:  her given name is "Adele," but she didn't use it for her musical career for obvious reasons.)

Your song "Next to Me" is incredibly catchy.  I find myself wanting to sing along, and then I actually listened to the lyrics, and found I was offended.  Let's take a look-see:

You won’t find him drinking at the table  
Rolling dice and staying out ’til three 
You won’t ever find him be unfaithful  
You will find him, you’ll find him next to me

Wow, there's so much wrong with just that one stanza, I need to stop and take a breath before I start.

...

Okay, here goes.

• Why should I care where your boyfriend goes??
• It's very sloppy "logic" that a person who drinks and gambles is also going to be unfaithful.
• It's also a false dichotomy that a person who is not unfaithful must then be attached to his girlfriend's hip 24/7.

This opening stanza is representative of the whole song.  Sande lists the places you won't find her boyfriend, but insists you'll find him "next to" her.  I find it rather offensive that, again, a significant other has to be "next to" their partner in order to be considered faithful.  I also find it suspect that a person would feel the need to insist to everyone else that said partner is "next to" her all the time.  Sounds a bit like the lady doth protest too much, y'know what I mean?

Oh sure, there are some lyrics about her losing her money and faith, and this nameless man (because, of course, it IS a man *coughheteronormativecough*) will still be next to her, but again, who cares?  Why do you need to prove this to us, Emeli Sande?

Sadly, apparently a lot of people care.  Facebook ads¹ would lead us to believe that there are whole segments of the population looking for mates who are "faithful."  Apparently there are so many unfaithful men out there, others feel the need to qualify their faithfulness.  I at first read "faithful" (on said ads) as a mention of spirituality or religiousness, but I was mistaken.  No, Facebook was truly asking if I wanted to meet "Single Black Faithful Men."  No, Facebook, I don't.  Clearly your algorithms aren't working correctly if you think that's where my tastes lie.  And again, there's a lot wrong with that "ad" as well, but this post isn't about that.

So good for you (I guess), Emeli Sande.  Facebook ads worked for you in finding a faithful mate!  I still find it offensive, and I will protest your damn catchy song by not singing along.  Not even a little bit.  I may even change the station (though I make no promises).

(Image courtesy of Yellowdog Granny)

¹What do you mean Facebook ads are not clear representations of real life??