Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (A Review)

Gah!!!

Did you watch "The Abominable Bride" when it premiered on January 2^nd?  Leonard did!  GAAAAAHH!  We don't have "regular TV" of any kind (not even PBS), so I had to settle for the live-streaming PBS promised.  Apparently, so did millions of other viewers as I was plagued with network errors, especially in the very beginning to I missed the set-up of why we were in Victorian London.  However, before we go any further...

Spoilers Below!

Thank God for dear friends who are also watching live and have no problem texting you answers to your questions for things you missed!  And who also offer hilarious commentary via text.  Liz and John told me that our set-up to Victorian London was simply a "alternatively" tagline, and then ta-da!  There we are.  That is a little disappointing.  I want a reason for being there, besides the obvious fun of dressing up and putting the show back in its original era.

But don't worry.  Leonard did, eventually, get a reason, a very good reason.

If you've not yet watched the episode, it's airing again on Sunday, January 10^{th --} and for the last time, here come spoilers!

As Liz said, "It's so meta!"  And that's about the best word I can use to describe Moffat's twisting, turning, there and back again, past-present-future Christmas special.  There is a reason for the Victorian twist, more than just cosplaying fun.  There are layers, people!  Dream-within-a-dream-within-a-dream layers (see also, "Last Christmas," the Doctor Who Series 8 Christmas special, also written by -- surprise, surprise -- Steven Moffat).  Layers, like an onion.

I can't explain it better than that.  Like some fiction, it simply is; if you try to look past that initial feeling you get, the first mind-blowing, ohmygoditallmakessensebutmybrainstillhurts sensation, it crumbles.  Any textual or rhetorical analysis has to tread carefully (like when dealing with magical realism), or the whole thing shatters under the pressure.

When alternative-reality-Mycroft ("Holy shit, Gatiss!  Way to throw your dignity into the creative furnace of accuracy," says Liz) says, "an invisible army, always at our elbow," I knew.
I knew exactly who/what he meant.  I didn't know how it was going to take shape or all the details, but I knew.

I knew thanks to James Triptree, Jr.'s short story "The Screwfly Solution" -- rather, the radio play adaptation I was in back in October.  Mycroft's lines sounded nearly verbatim from that script:

"The Devil has walked beside us this whole time.  The Devil cooks in our kitchens.  The Devil sleeps in our beds.  The Devil watches over our children!"

No?  Well, perhaps the phrase "the Angel in the House" rings a bell?  It is the Victorian ideal that the wife is always there, silent and subservient, attending her husband's needs cheerfully and quietly.  And in "The Abominable Bride," those quiet, submissive women strike back.

Moffat has often been accused of being sexist in his writing, particularly where Doctor Who is concerned (hello, 50+ years of having white straight men [usually over 40] being in charge!).  For me, the reveal of the "invisible army" that Mycroft mentions feels like a partial apology from Moffat, or at least an acknowledgement of his sexist shortcomings in his previous writings:

"I get it.  Women are important, too.  I'm sorry they're always playing secondary roles to a whole bunch of straight white men.  I'm trying to improve!  Will you help me?  Here are some suffragettes as an offering."

Do I think Moffat will improve/suddenly become less sexist?  Probably not.  Did I enjoy the costume-porn-time-traveling-suffragette-twist of "The Abominable Bride"?  Abso-fucking-lutely.  I will try to watch the episode again during its encore airing because I feel like I'm missing some of my original analytical thoughts here; although, my initial reaction to the whole episode was simply, "ALL THE FEELINGS!"

Grumpy Cat lies.  Of course we did!

Please Note:  Leonard has not once, ever, read any of the original Sherlock Holmes stories.  Worst. English teacher. EVER.

Another Year, Another Failure

Subtitle:  Stop Judging Me, Goodreads!!!

I failed my reading challenge again.  I even said I was "only" going to read 25 books this time around -- super easy, right?  Wrong (apparently).  I was seven books shy of my goal.

This year, instead of going for quantity, I think I'll go for type of books, as indicated by this list:

I found this list on Facebook, via at least two other friends.  And it's "only" twelve books.  I think this will work.  Maybe.  Some books may satisfy more than one requirement (a book that I've previously abandoned was probably both published before I was born and something I should have read [or finished] in school).

By the way, if you are a Goodreads user (Leonard is), what do you do with books you didn't finish, but you definitely stopped reading?  Because you didn't really "finish" them (especially in terms of a reading goal), but you can no longer waste your time on their insipid prose.  What then?  Just curious.  Leonard tried starting a shelf called "dead files" for them, but they are still listed on one of Goodreads' main shelves (read, to read, currently reading) that users cannot get rid of.  Please leave your answer/suggestion in the comments.

Review: Ant-Man (Updated)

Leonard has finally seen Ant-Man!  Woohoo!  I'm not sure the spoiler warning is entirely necessary as my Unit and I were probably the last two people to see the film for the first time, but here it is nonetheless:

Spoilers Below!

I'll start off by saying that I did very much enjoy it.  I had heard some differing opinions after it first came out, so my only expectations were to be entertained by more Marvel goodness, and the movie did that.  It is definitely more of a comedy than some of the more recent Marvel films.  The Avengers universe has been getting fairly dark lately, with bits of comedy and funny lines tossed in; Ant-Man is comedy and funny lines with semi-dark bits tossed in.

My Unit and I both agreed that we like Paul Rudd as an actor.  He's funny, and his "boyish charm," as they call it, works well for this particular kind of comedy.

My Unit:  "I like him.  He's a good actor."
Me:  "Me, too.  He's very likable on screen."
Her:  "Which means he's probably a huge asshole in real life."

After seeing the movie on opening weekend, a friend of mine commented on the dialogue.  She said it was pretty cheesy and at times she couldn't believe someone was paid to write it. I kept an ear out for that, and there was only one bit of dialogue that rang false when it happened.  It was during the scene with Hope and Scott in the car, and he's explaining to her why her dad (Dr. Pym) won't let her do this job (more on that bit in a moment).  When Rudd says, "I'm expendable," it just sounded flat and fake to my ears.  I'm not sure if that's a dialogue issue or an acting issue, but those handful of lines did not ring true.

Speaking of the car scene:  I saw it coming -- this is the "dramatic moment" where we convince you we're right, your dad is right, that a person has to fight for the right thing to do, yadda yadda yadda.  You know these scenes; they happen in every superhero movie (and sometimes in Ocean's 11).  While I'll admit I wasn't expecting the "I'm expendable" bit (I was only expecting Scott to tell her why her dad wouldn't let her go, not why it's okay for him to go instead; there's a difference), the whole scene felt a bit drawn-out, as in:

Your dad isn't letting you go on this mission because he already lost your mother; he can't lose you, too, Hope!!!  Are you new here?!?  This has been implied since the first flashback scene in 1989 where we heavily airbrushed your dad!!!

I was surprised that it took over half of the movie for someone to say this out loud because it was subtext (and barely "sub") in almost every fucking scene.  C'mon, Hope!  Get it together!

The movie also reinforced Leonard's creepy talent for saying lines (verbatim) before they're said on screen in things we have never ever seen before.  Either the writing is just that predictable, or Leonard is just that creepy and clairvoyant -- probably some combination thereof (see also True Lies, Prison Break, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Bones, and Lewis Black's stand-up).

Edited to Add:  Oh my God, I can't believe I forgot this part in the original review!  Ant-Man reinforces Leonard's theory that if a character is bald, they must be evil.  Laugh if you will, but check out:

• Captain America:  The First Avenger
• Iron Man  
• Iron Man 2
• Daredevil
• Superman
• Avengers:  Age of Ultron
• The Harry Potter series

That, of course, does not mean that all villains are bald (helloooo, Loki!).  But if you are bald, you have a 70-90% chance of being evil, unless your name is Jean-Luc Picard.

The other piece of criticism comes from my very astute Unit.  When Scott and the Pyms realize they have to "expand their team" and their bring in Scott's criminal friends (who are, admittedly, kinda funny), my Unit says, "I'm kind of uncomfortable with the racist stereotypes they're portraying here."  And she's right.  The criminals without Master's degrees in Electrical Engineering are our only non-white named characters:  a black who is the get away car driver, a Hispanic guy with a van that plays "La Cucaracha," and a vaguely Eastern European guy with a thick accent who believes in gypsies.

Wow.  When you type it out like that, it's kind of disgusting -- not to mention the fact that all three are used for comic relief.  And while I know actual individuals with the same senses of humor and speech patterns of these three characters (minus the criminal element), it's a pretty good (read: "horrible") example of continued racism in Hollywood.

With all that being said, will I still purchase the DVD?  Yes, I will.  Will I continue to watch it and laugh at the funny stuff?  Yes, I will.  Am I a horrible human being?  Sometimes.  Depends on the day.

Just remember:  Baskin Robbins always finds out.

First Rant of 2016

I can honestly say that I've never thought to myself, Now would be a good time to load this piece of weaponry and shoot it randomly in celebration.  Granted, I'm not a fan of guns to begin with, but WTF, people?!?  For starters, it's a waste of ammo.

So many effin' gunshots last night, so very close to Leonard's house.  As a friend mentioned, who remembers the old PSA's "What goes up must come down.  Think before you shoot"?
I remember the first time I read one of those billboards in this city.  I was so confused.  I thought maybe it was a joke that I wasn't getting.  People really need to be told that?  People really shoot their guns at New Year's Eve?

And Leonard grew up in the Midwest, people!  Often, out in the "country," and still no random gunshots to "celebrate" things.

Leonard does not understand it, and it just adds to the idea that most gun-owners are morons who shouldn't be out and about, let alone with weapons.  But hey, now we have a pretty good idea who is armed on this block.

Image courtesy of TIME Magazine, 2011

Disney Infinity for Xbox

...or should I say, "Infinitely Boring"??

Last Christmas, my Unit and I bought the Disney Infinity 2.0 game for Xbox 360.  I kept seeing ads for it that looked pretty awesome, and we don't have nearly enough two-player games.  Plus, with all the Marvel characters, what's not to like?!?  We bought the Marvel starter set, and I tried to "limit" myself with number of add-ons, like a good Leonard.  As I picked up Groot and slowly set him on counter, my Unit says, "Where's the raccoon??  You can't have him without the raccoon!!"

"What's a raccoon?  Ain't no thing like me, except me!"

Not too bad for someone who had only seen Guardians of the Galaxy once.  So I raced back to grab Rocket Raccoon, and then I went a little crazy with the characters I "had" to have.  We bought the game and went home.
And we set up the game.
And we tried to figure it out.
And she had a lot of fun playing as Thor and picking up my Iron Man and throwing him across rooms and such.  And we did missions.  And missions.  And more missions.

And then we noticed something:  they were all the fucking same thing.  All missions were basically the same, no matter which game we were playing.  Lots of "shoot 'em up before the time runs out" stuff.  And if you're a ten- or twelve-year-old boy, that might be interesting, but we were bored quickly.  There was no storytelling, little to no problem-solving, definitely no RPG.

And everyone talked about how great the "Toy Box" feature was.  So I took some time to investigate that feature, and it ended with me nearly throwing the Xbox across the room.  It was so clunky and hard to use; it took me some hours just to build Cinderella's castle (and it's only one piece!).  And after all of that, it didn't "do" anything!  I couldn't even go inside or open the doors; it was like reliving my disastrous trip to Disneyland all over again.  What gives?  Frankly, I didn't want to build games; I wanted to play them.  That's kind of the point.

I went online and checked other reviews, and there were people with similar frustrations to mine:  all shoot 'em up repeats, and apparently the 1.0 Toy Box was a lot easier to use and a lot more fun.

We hadn't opened all of the plastic packages, so I suggested we return them for either the cash or a better game.  My Unit insisted we keep them because we might change our minds.  So they've sat -- the unopened boxes, the Disney Infinity console, and several Avengers -- on a bookshelf gathering dust for the past year.

Now (almost a year to the day), I see Disney has released a 3.0 version with Star Wars characters.  I'm not so interested in the new Star Wars characters (NO, Leonard STILL hasn't seen the movie yet!  STOP ASKING!), but I wonder if they brought back some things from 1.0 that were great?  Or made it easier to use or at least more interesting?

What say you, fellow nerds?  Leonard needs your help.

NYE Curse

It's that time of year again:  Leonard's New Year's Eve Curse.  Each year, I start to think about plans for NYE; perhaps I'll venture out during "amateur night" as we call it.  And then I remember.  No, I can't go out.  We want to keep the collateral damage to a minimum.

For the past 10+ years, the horrible things that have happened to me have happened either on New Year's Eve itself or within the first month of January¹.  Here is a list of past things that have happened, in no particular order:

• robbed at gunpoint
• concussion
• locked out of my apartment.  At midnight.  With my dog.  But no cell phone.
• car breaking down on the highway.  Late at night.  Bad part of town.
• trip to the ER for emergency plastic surgery
• a series of broken car windows (retaliation from our jackass neighbor -- repeatedly).
• endoscopy and colonoscopy

So if you see me and I'm asking about New Year's Eve plans, kindly remind me of this list.  Even better, just hand me all of the leftover bubble-wrap from your holiday shopping and shipping and walk away.  Run.  Save yourself!

¹With the exception of lightning car (August 2014)
2018 Update:  or Treepocalypse.  That was July 2016.

Feminist Xmas Songs

A friend turned me onto the trend #FeministXmasSongs on Twitter.  Leonard is rarely on Twitter, though, so instead we posted several to Facebook over the Christmas holiday.  By request, I have compiled them here.  Please note, these are not in the original order posted, rather by popularity (using Facebook's oh-so-scientific system of "likes").

#10 "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town"

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He doesn't respect the boundaries you've set,
So, girl, get a restraining order.
You don't owe him anything, no matter how many dates you've been on.

#9 "O Holy Night"

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother --
And our sister!
Women can be slaves, too, y'know.
And in His name all oppression shall cease -- black lives matter!
But please leave your (straight) white (male) savior complex at home.

#8 "I Saw Mommy Kissin' Santa Claus"

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
Because I'm a creepy little kid
With an Oedipus complex.

#7 "Frosty the Snowman"

Frosty the Snowman
Was a jolly, happy soul
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal
Frosty the Snowperson
Is a gender neutral character
Because a pipe and coal doesn't make one a "man."

#6 "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

God rest ye merry gentlemen --
Seriously?!??

#5 "Santa, Baby"

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing -- a ring.
I don't mean on the phone;
You can just text me
Because I know my worth isn't dependent upon the monetary value of "gifts."

#4 "Santa, Baby" again

Think of all the fun I've missed;
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed;
Because the patriarchy shames women who have a healthy sex life.
Next year I could be just as good,
Since we're only rewarding women who claim to be virgins.

#3 "Silver Bells"

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks.
Dressed in holiday style
In the air there's a feeling of Christmas
Children laughing,
People passing,
Meeting smile after smile
People smiling because they want to,
Not because someone insisted they do so.
It's just a smile, not an invitation for harassment, Mr. Street-Shopper!
My public person is not for you to comment upon.

#2 "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"

In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say, "Are you married?"
We'll say, "That's really none of your business; we're two consenting adults."

#1 (and Leonard's personal favorite) "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa,
We know that Western literary tradition punishes women who show independence.

Honorable Mentions:

Several of Leonard's friends joined the movement as well.  Here are their contributions (reposted with permission).

Serena "In the Bleak Midwinter"

What can I give him? Poor as I am? anything I want because consent is like tea! Seriously, if someone said they didn't want tea, you wouldn't make em drink tea! Give me heart, if I want to! It's up to me!!! 

Liz "Little Drummer Boy"

Come they told me
Pa rum pum pum pum
A new-born king to see,
Or not, which is totally fine,
Because consent is important,
Especially when you're teaching
Kids that they have agency over
Their own bodies. And forcing them
To feign affection in order to avoid
Hurting someone's feeling is
Participating in rape culture.

Jamie "Carol of the Bells"

 Hark! How the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say, "Throw cares away."
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer or not, because it's ok to feel however you want to feel, you don't have to smile just to make others feel ok with you.
To young and old, meek and the bold, and also the middle aged because women don't have to be only young or old no mater what the Hollywood anti aging machine tells us about standards of beauty.
Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is their song.

Michael "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

 - I really can't stay...
- Baby it's cold outside--so bundle up and have a pleasant evening.
(End of Song.)

Tess "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

 I know dashers and dancers and prancers and vixens and none of them deserve to be judged by what society says they should be!

Image compliments of University College London Union

P.S.  "Baby, It's Cold Outside" has received several requests.  I know there has already been a "Honest" video about it (which I haven't watched yet).  As it is a trifecta of date rape, guilt-trips, and slut-shaming, it deserves its own blog post (forthcoming).