NYE Curse

It's that time of year again:  Leonard's New Year's Eve Curse.  Each year, I start to think about plans for NYE; perhaps I'll venture out during "amateur night" as we call it.  And then I remember.  No, I can't go out.  We want to keep the collateral damage to a minimum.

For the past 10+ years, the horrible things that have happened to me have happened either on New Year's Eve itself or within the first month of January¹.  Here is a list of past things that have happened, in no particular order:

• robbed at gunpoint
• concussion
• locked out of my apartment.  At midnight.  With my dog.  But no cell phone.
• car breaking down on the highway.  Late at night.  Bad part of town.
• trip to the ER for emergency plastic surgery
• a series of broken car windows (retaliation from our jackass neighbor -- repeatedly).
• endoscopy and colonoscopy

So if you see me and I'm asking about New Year's Eve plans, kindly remind me of this list.  Even better, just hand me all of the leftover bubble-wrap from your holiday shopping and shipping and walk away.  Run.  Save yourself!

¹With the exception of lightning car (August 2014)
2018 Update:  or Treepocalypse.  That was July 2016.

And the Winner Is...

After much calculating, counting, retabulating, and the assistance of three cats, one circus dog, and some hanging chad, a winner in Leonard's celebratory giveaway has been determined!

And the winner is...

Facebook user Heather!!!

 (Woohoo.)

Dear Heather wins her choice of knitwear from my stash, a short story in her honor, or a commissioned Strongly Worded Letter.  Watch this space to see which she picks.

Thanks for helping Leonard celebrate 1,000 hits!  We managed to do that in just under a month, so let's make it to 5,000 hits before Halloween -- woohoo!

Only 88 More to Go!

Leonard is this close to 1,000 hits!  Considering we've only been in publication just shy of one month, I think that's a pretty big deal.  So thank you. 

Thank you!

When we reach 1,000 hits (and, oh yes, we'll get there), Leonard should throw some sort of party or celebratory post.  What would that involve?  Lots of the blogs on Tumblr do giveaways, but what would we give away?  Free knitwear?  Leonard's autograph?  A short-fiction piece written in your honor?  A personally commissioned Strongly Worded Letter?  We'll have to think on that some more.

In the mean time, thank you for reading and keep clicking!  Remember, if you like what you're reading, please reblog, repost, and share the links with your friends and families.  Conversely, if you don't like what you're reading, share the links with all of your enemies, those fuckers.  (Leonard's not too picky.)

Girl Problems

Me:  "Sonofabitch!"
My Unit:  "What?"
Me:  "All of my make-up is at the theatre!"
Her:  "Oh noes!  You don't have any here?"
Me:  "Some powder and a lipstick."

Five minutes later, after applying said powder and lipstick...
Me:  "Wow.  That looks weird.  There's nothing on my eyes."
Her:  "You're sure you don't have anything here?"
Me:  "Yes!"
Her:  "Not in any of your bags?"
Me:  "I already looked.  I found one other lipstick."
Her:  "I don't believe you."

Two minutes later, after rifling through the bathroom cabinet...
Her:  "I can't believe you don't have any back-up make-up."
Me:  "It's all in that tackle box at the theatre."
Her:  "You're not very good at being a girl, are you?"