Chicken Pot Pie Soup Recipe

 It is exactly like it sounds, friends:  chicken pot pie, but in soup form.  The original recipe is from Six Clever Sisters and includes a recipe for adorable looking "Flaky Pie Crust Leaves" which I absolutely did not make because I'm lazy.  I "made" some Pillsbury Grands biscuits instead.  Her (their?) recipe is below, with my edits & notes in italicized bold.

Word of caution:  this is not a recipe for when you're in a hurry.  I think from start to finish, including cooking (and "cubing") the chicken breasts to scooping the soup into my bowl, this took me about two hours.  But I had plenty of time.

You Will Need:

• 3 12 oz. packages of frozen mixed vegetables (I used 2 16 oz. packages because math.)
• 2/3 cup margarine (I used butter; does anyone use margarine anymore?)
• 2/3 cup flour
• 1 cup diced onion
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. black pepper
• 1/2 tsp. Herbs de Provence
• 1/2 tsp. dried parsley
• 4 cups chicken broth
• 3 cups milk
• 1 1/2 lbs. boneless skinless cooked chicken breast, cubed (I used 3 breasts because who has a scale to measure?  Approximately three cups' worth.  I cooked them from frozen in the InstaPot with some salt and pepper and poultry seasoning.  If your cooked chicken is unseasoned, you might add 1 tsp. poultry seasoning to the soup itself.)
• 3 tbsp. cornstarch (I only used 1 tbsp.  More on that later.)

Instructions:

1. Rinse frozen vegetables in cold water to separate; drain.
2. Melt margarine in large “soup pan” over medium heat. (This is a one pot recipe, so make sure your pot will be able to hold 10 cups of soup).
• I worried about this note from Six Clever Sisters, so I used the Googles and did some math.  If you have a six-quart stock pot/soup pan, you'll be fine; six liquid quarts equals 24 US cups.)
3. Stir in flour, onion, salt, and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture is bubbly; remove from heat.
• (How can a mixture that is pretty much a paste -- the beginnings of a roux [equal parts flour and melted butter] -- get "bubbly"?  It doesn't, not like a liquid would. I kept stirring until it was sort of bubbly/sizzly from the heat on the bottom, then continued on.)
4. Stir in broth and milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly. 
• (I think I should have turned up the heat to medium high here, and this part wouldn't have taken quite so long.)
5. Boil and stir 1-2 minutes, until thickened. Stir in chicken and vegetables. Simmer until mixture starts to boil.
• (This is where I tasted it and decided I wanted a tad more seasoning, so I add the 1/2 teaspoons each of Herbs de Provence and parsley, and I don't regret it.  A person could maybe even do a full teaspoon of each.)
6. Mix cornstarch with a little cold water until blended. Slowly add to soup while stirring. Boil until desired thickness is achieved. (For a thinner soup, use less cornstarch; for a thicker soup, use a little more.)
• (My soup was plenty thick for my taste at this time, so I only used 1 tbsp. of cornstarch with some water and stirred it in.  Also, the soup will continue to thicken a bit as it cooks in the next step.  And your leftovers the next day will be SUPER thick when you go to reheat, FYI).
7. Reduce heat to low-medium and let cook for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. 
• (This is where I turned on my oven for the Pillsbury rolls and baked them; the timing was almost spot-on, if I do say so myself.)
8. Optional: Add 1/4-1/2 cup half and half for extra creaminess.  (I didn't do this.)

We ate it with the biscuits, and it was fucking delicious.  The Muppet Man even mentioned something about wanting to "put a ring on it" if I continue to make this soup.  Eat and enjoy.  Your stomach will thank me, even if your waistline won't.

No kittehs were involved in this recipe.

Chicken Tortilla Soup Recipe

 OMG YOU GUYS!  I made chicken tortilla soup last night for the first time EVER, and it was fucking delicious!  This is a big deal for me; however, I refuse to become one of those food bloggers where you have to read their whole damn life story before getting to the recipe.  So recipe first!  I'll write separately about my cooking baggage.

This is a combination of these two recipes:  Delish's "Best Instant Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup" and Spend With Pennies' Chicken Tortilla Soup.  Comments on the former said it was too watery and bland, but I wanted to use my new InstaPot, so I combined the best parts of both (and I don't like improvising!).  If you don't have an InstaPot, I would just follow Spend With Pennies' recipe; I imagine you'll get a similarly delicious result.  So here we go.

You'll need:

• 2 large chicken breasts, thawed
• 2 tbsp. olive oil
• 2 bell peppers, chopped
• 1 poblano pepper, chopped
• 1 onion, chopped
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 tsp. ground cumin
• 1 tsp. chili powder
• 1 tsp. oregano
• Salt & Pepper to taste
• 3 cups chicken broth
• 1 (14 oz.) can of crushed or diced tomatoes
• 1 can of diced tomatoes with chilis (like Rotel)
• 1 (14 oz.) can of black beans, drained
• 1 cup corn, drained if canned (I had a small can and used the whole thing, didn't measure)
• Juice from one lime
• 1/4 cup cilantro, chopped

Optional for garnish/serving:

• Tortilla strips -- both of the recipes above include instructions on how to make your own crispy tortilla strips (one baked, one fried). You can also use tortilla chips.  We happen to love these chili lime tortilla strips made by Texas Toast (they're also excellent on salads).
• 1 avocado, sliced (I didn't do this)
• Additional cilantro (I didn't do this)
• Shredded Monterey Jack cheese (I didn't do this)

Instructions:

1. Turn InstaPot to Saute setting and heat the 2 tbsp. of olive oil.  When oil is hot (shimmering), add all peppers and onions.  Saute until veggies start to soften (5 minutes), stirring occasionally.
2. While onions and peppers are cooking, generously salt & pepper your chicken breasts.  Also make sure your canned items are opened, drained where necessary.
3. After 5 minutes of sauteing, stir in the garlic, oregano, cumin, and chili powder.
4. Add the salt & peppered chicken breasts to the pot.
5. Add these ingredients to the pot:  chicken broth, lime juice, both cans of tomatoes, black beans, and corn.
6. Close lid and set InstaPot to Soup setting; set the timer for 7 minutes.
7. When the InstaPot cooking has completed AND the air has been naturally released (don't use the quick release option), open the lid (carefully) and, using tongs, remove the two chicken breasts onto a plate or cutting board.  Shred the chicken (using two forks, or a fork and knife, or this weirdly efficient way using an electric mixer).
8. Stir shredded chicken and 1/4 cup cilantro back into the soup pot.
9. Serve!  Eat!  Enjoy!

I will be eating some of my leftovers today for lunch.  If you want some additional texture, you can stir cooked rice into your bowl with the soup (the Muppet Man did and greatly enjoyed it).

Letter to My Family

 This email has already been sent, but I want to record this for posterity.

Hello family!

I have a favor to ask of you.  I try not to get into "political discussions" with y'all as it's too upsetting, but now I have to ask for a favor.

If you plan on voting for the person currently in the Oval Office, whether for the first or second time, come November, please, please, please, do me a favor and delete my contact info from all of your sources.  I can no longer in good conscience remain in contact with people who vote to actively hurt me.

I won't be entertaining replies to this email, as I have no desire to discuss my humanity as some "political debate."  As I said to my father (one of the last things I said to him, actually), these are not abstract political ideas that I have the privilege of debating at a distance; they are very real, concrete items that affect and impact my everyday life.

I'm also not trying to change anyone's mind as I imagine we've all pretty much decided what we're going to do.  If you're unable to see the irreparable harm being done to me and the hundreds of thousands of people just like me -- women, women with uteruses, women who've been sexually assaulted, LGBTQ people -- then it's just willful ignorance at this point, and nothing I say will make a difference.

If you're not planning on voting for the person currently occupying the Oval Office, whether for the first or second time, THANK YOU!  And I'll see you on the other side of this election.

To everyone else, thank you in advance for doing me this favor.  And bonne chance in this dystopian hellscape you've helped to create.

Your daughter/niece/cousin/token feminist and queer person,

Only my mother has replied (even though it said I won't be entertaining replies) because she often feels like rules don't apply to her.  Her first response was to say "very nicely worded."  And her second was to tell me that "voting is a private matter" and that I "need to toughen up more."

In other news, no need to drive up to Iowa for Christmas.  Or ever.