Team Iron Man

You should know, before even going into my review of Civil War, which side I'm on.  Tony and I go way back.  It's a matter of loyalty at this point.  And of stubbornness.  So while I'm in the minority, I know which side I'm on.  But enough about me, on to the bullet points!

By the time this post will be published, I will have seen Captain America:  Civil War twice, and naturally, I have thoughts about that.  Here they are in some semblance of an order:

• They wrote Pepper out of another film.  I realize it's not her movie (it's not even Tony's movie!), but it still feels like a bit of a cop-out.
• Who else was completely and utterly weirded out by the CGI "young" Robert Downey, Jr.?!?  I was so distracted by his face during that scene I almost missed what was happening.
• Civil War says this "memory" is 1991, the year the Starks died.  The flashback at the opening of Iron Man 3 (when they're in Switzerland) is in 1999.  I think they may have turned the Way Back Machine back too far for 1991's RDJ.
• Sokovia?  Really?  His whole deal is "just" about Sokovia?  A friend asked me if rewatching The Winter Soldier would be helpful for this movie, and I said, "As long as you remember who Bucky/Winter Soldier is, you're fine.  In fact, rewatching Age of Ultron would be just as if not more helpful."  And I stand by that.  Because there's a lot more that has to do with Sokovia than anything else (in my opinion).
• But Zemo's whole modus operandi did feel a little lacking to me.  This theory helped to allay some of that.  (CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS)
• After my second viewing, I've realized that the above theory is incorrect in one major point:  there are bullet holes in the glass of at least four of the five "containers" (fifth container was not shown close on screen to check).
• Speaking of MacGuffins, what about Crossbones?  Has anyone addressed this yet?  He was only there so the Avengers could cause some (accidental) mass destruction as a final catalyst to the Sokovia Accords.  We never really saw why he was doing it (except Cap "dropped a building" on his face), we did not know what biological weapon he was stealing (or why), and then he was dead before we could even really care.
• Hello Black Panther!  Leonard loves her some cats, no matter the size.  What I appreciated most about Chadwick Boseman's portrayal is that they managed to make him look both feline and masculine.  We often associate cats with femininity (see:  Freud, literary theories, and DC's Batman), but I felt they managed to make him look, act, and move masculine and cat-like and, of course, bad-ass. 

  

  "Dude shows up dressed like a cat, and you don't wanna know more?"

• Speaking of His Catness, what's his deal?  His suit is bullet-proof (possibly made of vibranium), but does he also have super powers?  Or is he just really athletic?  See my list below.
• The airport fight scene, the one that everyone (Leonard included) lost their shit over in the trailers -- yes, THAT one,...felt a bit stiff and contrived for me at first.  It didn't feel like "THE" fight.  Thankfully Wanda addressed my issue (to Hawkeye):  "You're pulling your punches."  Of course it felt a bit stifled -- no one wanted to actually hurt their friends!  They're holding back, and I could tell.  As soon as that became clear, I felt better.  Even after Wanda's moment, they still (mostly) held back.  And I was glad; they're my friends, too, and I don't want to see any of them get hurt.
• Spider-Man:  let's address address the Spider in the room.  Everyone (except Leonard) also lost their collective shit over seeing the Spiderling in the trailers.  I said it then and I'll say it now:  he sounds (and looks!) like he's twelve!  It's hard for me to take him seriously (or even like someone who has at least gone through puberty) with his li'l pumpkin face and giant awkward ears.  Yes, his lines were funny, but his intro scene with Tony was, well,...weird.  The timing of their dialogue was off, and not in that "this should be awkward" way; in a "this is awkward because we actors haven't been given proper direction" way.
• Black Widow's hair was getting dangerously close to the "too fussy" zone in this film; in the mean time, ScarJo is doing her best Farrah Fawcett impression while kicking ass and taking names.
• Holy Beefcake, Batman!  You know what I'm talking about: 

  

  Look at my guuuuuuuns!

  This was almost too much, when he switched his grip and we got the bicep pose and the manly grunting face.  There was a fair amount of beefcake in this film compared to the others, and I'm okay with that.  Similarly there was a lot less cheesecake (did you see Black Widow wearing pants, boots, and a COAT in the opening fight scene??), and I'm also okay with that.  Turn about is fair play, fellas.  It's your turn to be objectified for once.
• Lots of fun lines, too many to quote, really.  Pick your own!
• I thought the film did a really good job showing the points of both sides of the major argument.  Which is why this is STILL VERY UPSETTING!!! 

  

  2 against 1 isn't fair, people!

Having seen the movie twice in the theaters, I think I've memorized the lines I like and can now happily wait for it on DVD.  It has also inspired this spreadsheet of superheroes:

Name	Suit?	Training	Power(s)	Evaluation
Black Panther	Yes	Probably some military	Unknown	3 of 5 asses to kick
War Machine	Yes	Military	None	3.5 asses to kick
Iron Man	Yes	Not really	None	Genius playboy billionaire philanthropist
Bucky/Winter Soldier	Yes (well, an arm’s worth)	Military & general brainwashing	None	4 of 5 asses to kick
Black Widow	Nope	Lots of military/assassin	None	ALL the asses to kick!
Captain America	No	Military	Beefy arms.  And legs.  And chest.	Nearly Indestructible
Vision	No	Does having Jarvis in your make-up count?	Synthetic, Infinity Stone, Change Density at any time	Indestructible
Scarlet Witch	No	No	“she’s weird” and can apparently bend reality	Glass Cannon*
Spider-Man	Yes	No	Scaling walls, shooting webbing, enhanced sensory all around	Ask me again after he hits puberty.
Falcon	Yes	Military	None	“Bird costume?  That’s cold.”
Ant Man	Yes	Just Thieving Stuff	None	Not the first I’d call unless I just wanted funny stuff
Hawkeye	No	Military	None	Pretty bad-ass for someone so vulnerable
Thor**	No	Asgardian Military	Giant hammer, lightning & thunder	God-like
Loki**	No	Very little Asgardian Military	Staff with Infinity Stone, glamours	So very pretty
Hulk**	No	No	ANGRY (and giant)	HULK SMASH!

*My friend Casey explained this term:  can hit superhard ("cannon"), y'know, like take down friggin' Vision!  But is also fragile, will down from one punch from Cap ("glass")

**Not pictured in this film

Review: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

I saw it last night, and two friends said, "I'm looking forward to your review," so I guess I should write one.  First off, I greatly enjoyed this movie.  Like many movies on the big screen, sometimes it's hard for me to take it all in the first time around.  I probably won't be able to see this one a second time in the theaters, so let's see what my brain remembers from last night's 11:10 p.m. showing.

First, here's the trailer to get us in the mood:


First off, the negatives (there aren't that many):

• Bad Hair.  I hate the Black Widow's hair in this movie.  I know she's had different hair for each of these movies, and her Avengers hair was the best, in my opinion.  The ringlets were far too fussy for an assassin.  The Avengers bob was the perfect color and length for the Russian spy on the go.  It moved with her acrobatics and gunslinging just right.  This flat-iron job is too, well, flat.  The color is flat with too much dull orange for her complexion.  Plus, what spy has time to flat-iron her hair every morning?  About halfway through this 136-minute movie, it finally stopped distracting me.
• Lack of Guyliner.   Look at that very last shot of the Winter Soldier.  LOOK AT IT!  Do you see the fantastic guyliner he's sporting?  Okay, fine, it's more like the stuff football players wear to protect from glare, but let's not split hairs here.  SPOILER ALERT:  That awesome eye make-up is not in the movie.  My Facebook nemesis friend Ben said that maybe it's just in the trailer to help "disguise" his real identity.  Whatever.  I wanted guyliner, goddammit!

Supervillains this season are sporting the "morning after" eye make-up, a.k.a. "The Raccoon."

Now on to the positives.  While I do adore Iron Man's snark, Steve Rogers' combination of "Boy Scout" and dry humor is right up there, too.  That and the fact that he's more of a "defensive" fighter than offensive make him a nice change from some of the other superheroes.  Captain America:  The First Avenger is, of course, an origin story; the recent Marvel special, Assembling a Universe, called it "a period action film."  I liked that.  This being Cap's third movie, we know who he is.  So there's less exposition and more explosion.  A LOT more explosions.  Like a lot.  I jumped and squealed several times.  There are also a lot more fight sequences for the Captain; they were really able to show off his moves.

Speaking of "showing off" the Captain, his arms -- mostly his shoulders -- are HUGE in this movie.  They are noticeably larger than his previous films.  Almost too big.  He's not the Hulk, and I don't want them to make him look too far outside of human norms.  He's not Mark McGwire, for goodness sake.  In fact, there was one action sequence where I commented, "Is he the Hulk now?" because of his recklessness.  His fury (pun intended) in terms of plot make sense in that moment, but I still thought it was pushing the limits of his superhero strength.

Wait, I thought this was the positive section?

• The Falcon.  A.K.A. Sam Wilson.  His humor is right on par with Steve's.  His character was fun with still the right dose of reality.  I'm looking forward to seeing more of him.
• Black Widow.  Besides the hair, Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff can really do no wrong in my eyes.  Her timing is impeccable.
• Attention to Detail.  These little "bits" are part of what make all of these movies work together in the same universe.  Some examples:
• Natasha wears a small necklace.  Look at it carefully during the close-up shots.  I don't want to spoil it for you, but I definitely know what I think it means.
• Nick Fury's costuming. 

  

  It's the toy that says, "Bad-ass motherfucker" on it.

  In the previous movies, he's all bad-ass (as only Samuel L. Jackson can be) with his leather trench coat.  While he may be the director of S.H.I.E.L.D., he's still anti-authority.  Take for example this bit of dialogue from The Avengers:
• World Security Council: "Director Fury, the council has made a decision."
  Nick Fury: "I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it."
• In the beginning of The Winter Soldier, Director Fury is attempting to tell the Captain to get on board with S.H.I.E.L.D. and all its bureaucracy (shown in the trailer).  Look at his clothing.  That is not the bad-ass Nick Fury we all know and love.  His clothing is very military-esque, showing that he's part of "the man" now.
• Nick Fury's epitaph.  It goes by quickly, but read it carefully.  :-)

I will not give away any spoilers, but there are plenty of plot twists and turns that I totally fell for, even though I should have known better, as well as introductions to further Marvel characters.

Our previews also showed us the trailer for X-Men:  Days of Future Past and godDAMN!  That looks pretty intense.  I may need to rewatch X-Men:  First Class; although, each time I've rewatched it, I like it less and less.  And that makes me sad because I loved it in the theater.

I was going to post the second Winter Soldier trailer in here for you, but I think it gives too much away.  Gotta leave something for the film, right??  So here's the X-Men:  Days of Future Past trailer instead.