- That many candles are a fire hazard
- By the time "your man" gets home, you will be wrinkled and pruny, not sexy.
- My favorite: "You know you're just going to have to take a shower later, a 'business shower,' where upon you do all the things you needed to do in the first place (shave pits, legs, lady parts, and wash hair)" (Underground for Tea).
Step 1: Is the bathtub clean? Eh, I'll rinse it out and risk it.
Step 2: Fill with (hopefully hot) water.
Maybe there are some lame bubbles, but more than likely, Epson salts because I'm fucking sore and incredibly neurotic.
So I get into the tub...crap. I suppose I could light a candle, but --
Hi. Anyway, maybe a candle, and I was thinking of reading a few pages of that book I --
I am taking a bath.
Sometimes it's nice to read in the tub, assuming I don't get the pages all wet. I could even grade papers or --
Is that water?
Are you sure??
Can I lick it?
What's goin' on, guys?
Apparently there's water in there.
I am trying to relax!
Really? Where?? I like water.
I liiiiiike it. I do. What's this? Can I touch it? Can I bat at it? Can I knock it into the water? This is fun! Let's plunge my hairy hairy arms all the way into the water! Splash splash splash!
Bath time is so much fun! Fun fun fun! Splash splash splash!
Are you sure I can't lick just a little bit of water off of you?
It won't be awkward. I promise.
MAMA NEEDS SOME ALONE TIME!!!
You don't have to be all defensive about it.
I AM NOT BEING DEFENSIVE!!!
I heard this is where the bath is happening?