Friday, November 8, 2013

Splish Splash

Recently, a friend posted on Facebook how unrealistic "bath scenes" are in television.  She made some great points, such as:
  • That many candles are a fire hazard
  • By the time "your man" gets home, you will be wrinkled and pruny, not sexy.
  • My favorite:  "You know you're just going to have to take a shower later, a 'business shower,' where upon you do all the things you needed to do in the first place (shave pits, legs, lady parts, and wash hair)" (Underground for Tea).
Like I said, she makes some very valid points.  And it got me thinking (dangerous, I know). I generally take baths to relax because I'm super stressed out, not for sexy time.

Step 1:  Is the bathtub clean?  Eh, I'll rinse it out and risk it.
Step 2:   Fill with (hopefully hot) water.  

 Maybe there are some lame bubbles, but more than likely, Epson salts because I'm fucking sore and incredibly neurotic.

So I get into the tub...crap.  I suppose I could light a candle, but --


Hi.  Anyway, maybe a candle, and I was thinking of reading a few pages of that book I --

Whatcha doin'?

I am taking a bath.
Sometimes it's nice to read in the tub, assuming I don't get the pages all wet.  I could even grade papers or --

Is that water?


Are you sure??
Can I lick it?

Yes it is, and no, you can't.

What's goin' on, guys?


Apparently there's water in there.

I am trying to relax!

Really?  Where??  I like water.

I liiiiiike it.  I do.  What's this?  Can I touch it?  Can I bat at it? Can I knock it into the water?  This is fun!  Let's plunge my hairy hairy arms all the way into the water!  Splash splash splash!

Ohmygod, I love ALL of you!

Pet me.  Pet me.  PET ME NOW.

Bath time is so much fun!  Fun fun fun! Splash splash splash!

Are you sure I can't lick just a little bit of water off of you?

It won't be awkward.  I promise.




You don't have to be all defensive about it.


...meanwhile outside...
I heard this is where the bath is happening?

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