Friday, October 11, 2013

Commuter Communication

I have a forty-minute commute to teach.  Forty minutes.  That's one way, against the flow of traffic, assuming there are no major sporting events happening downtown.  Needless to say, I have lots of time to think in the car.

Sure, sometimes I think about my lesson plans and what we're going to do in class that day.  Sometimes I might think of blog posts or other pieces of brilliance.  But most of the time, it's pretty random.  I've even startled myself with some of the randomness of it all.

For example, what started out as thinking of class discussions...
Lysistrata ==> wordplay, sexual puns ==> double entrendre ==> entendre is French for "listen," so a "double entendre" means to listen twice ==> J'entends, tu entends, il/elle/on entend, nous entendons, vous entendez, ils entendent.
Holy crap, I remember how to conjugate entendre!  I haven't had French since high school.

The rest of the time it's not nearly as interesting; more along the lines of
I'm hungry. Do I have snacks in the car? Fuck, are we stopping? What happens if my blood sugar drops on the highway. Does that count as a medical emergency? "Cause of crash: lack of snacks."
I have to pee. I have to pee really badly. Why didn't I pee before I left??
Fuck you, other car!
I REALLY have to pee. Maybe I should wear Depends in the car like that crazy NASA woman who went on the stalker road trip. I don't understand how people can do that. I REALLY have to pee, but I don't think I could just make myself pee in the car, even if I was wearing Depends.
Like that one time we were at the lake and -- FUCK YOU!
I really had to pee then, too, but it was hard to make myself pee in the lake while treading water so I didn't drown. How many times have I almost drowned? Two, I think. Maybe three.  Is it any wonder I don't go swimming?
Are we seriously stopping again? Why can't I just fly home? Like in a tiny --
Douchebag. Douchebag. Douchebag.
-- airplane. 
I've also been lucky enough to see some strange and interesting sights on my daily commutes, including but not limited to:
  • A bright green Ford Mustang with the license plate G-LNTERN
  • An SUV with the license plate TA2D UP
  • A sobriety test happening at 2:30 in the afternoon -- well done, madam!
  • What I thought were two people having sex on a motorcycle (they weren't).
  •  The shadow of an airplane overhead during which time I had a Skyrim flashback, and I seriously thought it was a dragon (it wasn't).
And just think:  I get to do this approximately ninety more times before the end of the semester.  Yay me!
(Image courtesy of


  1. hahahah I <3 the G-LNTERN car if its the same one...

  2. Is this reallllly anonymous? I could tell you ANYTHING here and you would never know mahaha myahahahaha!

    1. Except for the fact that I've memorized the diction and writing style of all of my friends, so I know who you truly are!