I'm Proud of You

or "Not My Love Language"

You know the 5 Love Languages, don't you?  In short, there are five basics ways we either express love or like to receive love.  They are, in no particular order:

• Physical Touch
• Gift Giving
• Acts of Service
• Quality Time
• Words of Affirmation

You can take a handy-dandy quiz to see how you view them or "what your love language is."  (There's also a book, but I've not read it; I just take the quiz every now and then to see if anything's changed.)  There is no right or wrong love language; it just makes it easier to communicate with your partner if you know the love expressions that are important to them (and vice-versa).  My top love languages are Physical Touch and Gift-Giving, FYI; the other three (Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation) all rank pretty low with me.

Now that that's out of the way, a story:

Last November, I was in rehearsal for a play, as I often.  We were getting close to opening night, and I had texted the boytoy, probably something like "headed home from rehearsal" or maybe even "working from today" or something similarly innocuous.  He texted back -- brace yourselves -- and I quote:  "I'm proud of you."

And reader, I was flabbergasted.  I was nearly speechless -- ME!  That's saying something.  Somewhere in there he also had written, "I know you've been working hard."

I was still mostly stuck on the "I'm proud of you" part, although the combination of the two statements had also given me heart palpitations.  It took me a moment or two verbalize what I was feeling and why I was so shocked.

1. It felt odd for him to be proud of me for doing something that I just do.  Theatre is my thing.  It's what I do.  And while I almost always work hard on whatever production I'm involved with, it isn't often hard for me to do (if that makes sense).
2. Has anyone ever told me they were proud of me for going to rehearsal/doing theatre like I do?  If they have, it was so long ago that I've forgotten it.

So for someone to acknowledge my hard work on what most people regard as "just as a hobby" shook my world a little bit, in a good way, especially when it's a vocation that takes up time I could be spending with him.  It was also a weird feeling because, like I said, Words of Affirmation isn't one of my love languages; in fact, it's probably rated the lowest for me because words are just that.  If you can't back them up with actions, I'm not interested.  But these words didn't feel all that empty, which was a pleasant surprise.

Since that day I've actually started saying "I'm proud of you!" more.  It's still a weird feeling, but in a different way.  But I like when people when they try to learn a new skill or continue to hone their craft or do major work on their mental health or make hard but mature decisions.  Those things should absolutely be encouraged and celebrated. 

I particularly like when people do things outside of their comfort zone; actually, I fucking love that, especially when it comes to working on our art.  I want to clap and cheer sometimes because I know what it feels like to do things that scare me.  And far too often actors/artists just start to rely on their usual "shtick" (whatever it may be) because it's comfortable and has been working tolerably well for so long, rather than pushing their own boundaries.  So I've changed my usual "Good for you!" or "Good on you!" (which I always meant sincerely) to "I'm proud of you!" (which I also mean) because all of the aforementioned things are rarely easy.

I haven't been saying to everyone because then it will possibly lose some meaning.  But all of this leads me to the thought that I may actually be becoming nicer....and that's a terrifying thought.
To quote Margo (The Magicians), "Don't you go accusing me of catching feelings!  It's insulting."