- I dislike shopping
- I dislike new and/or unfamiliar places
- I dislike Whole Foods and the sensory overload it provides
- I dislike crowds
- I dislike people
- I dislike crowds of people when I'm forced to go shopping
Last year's run to Whole Foods around the same time for the same stuff ended up like this (per my FB feed):
rain, traffic, Whole Foods and trying to keep my panic attack at least until I reach the car (complete with white knuckles, fingering my paper list to self-soothe, and talking to myself like the mentally ill person that I am), waiting, more traffic, more rain, getting lost/turned around, canceling my hair appointment last minute because I was still stuck on the highway with a trunk full of Christmas groceries and there was no way I'd make it on time (or close to on time), crying the rest of the way home (hello, panic attack), unpacking groceries and toys amidst dogs and cats.So I knew what was in store (pun intended) for me. Unlike last year, I knew better than to attempt to plan more than this shopping trip in one day. Even when I used to have to go grocery shopping (is no longer my job), I would attempt to do nothing else so that I wasn't in any sort of hurry.
I remembered the way to Whole Foods, and the parking lot wasn't crazy. I walked inside, and it wasn't crazy either.
Okay, this might not be so bad.
I had my list in hand to remind me what to get. Even if I'm only going to Walgreens I have to have a list; otherwise, I'll end up tunnel-visioned, wandering up and down aisles, often forgetting what I came in for (and ending up with a bunch of other random shit).
I picked up the crab legs we ordered ✔
I wandered a bit looking for wine ✔
And what is that delicious smell tickling my nostrils? It's the bakery. I held off on heading that direction, knowing that our cake would be the last item I got before hitting the check-out.
I wandered several more aisles, often repeating myself, looking for various snacks and household items.
Finally, the bakery again. I could still smell fresh bread baking and my stomach was growling. I looked at the fresh breads available for purchase, wondering which one was making the smell I was smelling. For a brief moment, I considered sniffing every type of loaf available...
I decided on a "French round" loaf. Then I went search for something creamy and spreadable on this decadent bread. I ended up with a creamy Gorgonzola (sold to me by the lady behind the counter wearing a Star Wars shirt, so I knew I was in good company).
I then picked up our cake ✔
And I headed to the check-out lines.
Oh, here's where all the people are!
No wonder the store didn't seem too crowded or crazy; everyone was waiting with their carts to check out. I found a spot in the nearest line and proceeded to wait. Back before the days of smartphones (and when I still had to do the grocery shopping), I would usually amuse myself with People Magazine or a tabloid or something (anything!) to read while waiting in line, soothing myself in my head that I was fine because I had no other place to be.
I took a deep breath and tried that plan for today, using my phone to amuse myself instead. The Express line was moving along alright, but I am not one of those assholes who goes into that line with more than the listed number of allowed items.
And other lines picked up the pace a bit.
But not mine.
And the woman in front of me kept trying to make eye contact with me while she huffed or harrumphed -- y'know, like you do when trying for that "We're all in this together" attitude or "It's us versus them; aren't they the worst!" thing that happens sometimes in public. "Mutual misery."
But I wasn't having it.
Yes, this particular checker was incredibly slow; there was no doubt about it. But I was not in a hurry; I had nowhere else to be. So I would either ignore her (the woman, not the checker) or smile blandly at her and then go back to my phone.
Harrumphing and rolling eyes isn't going to make the line move any faster. And for that matter, the woman in front of me could have changed lines at any time. I didn't. I stayed, mentally patting myself on the back for leaving the other, faster lines for people who clearly had more important things to do.
At about the fourth or fifth harrumph, she did catch the eye of the older man behind me whose response was, "I just want to be home in time for Christmas" (it was the 23rd). Whatever. I ignored them all (and probably spent 25-30 minutes just standing line).
After I checked out, I headed back out to the bright parking lot -- and could not remember at all where I had parked my car.
While I was wandering down the first aisle of cars, I heard, "Excuse me? Can I ask you something?" And I turned to find a young woman who had clearly been crying recently standing there.
"Sure," I say.
"Umm, we're from [a nearby small town] and we're living in a Wal-Mart parking lot and I'm just trying to get some food to eat and it's not going so well..."
Several thoughts occurred to me, almost simultaneously:
And while putting the groceries into the trunk, the handle of one bag broke right off!
Oh, here's where all the people are!
No wonder the store didn't seem too crowded or crazy; everyone was waiting with their carts to check out. I found a spot in the nearest line and proceeded to wait. Back before the days of smartphones (and when I still had to do the grocery shopping), I would usually amuse myself with People Magazine or a tabloid or something (anything!) to read while waiting in line, soothing myself in my head that I was fine because I had no other place to be.
I took a deep breath and tried that plan for today, using my phone to amuse myself instead. The Express line was moving along alright, but I am not one of those assholes who goes into that line with more than the listed number of allowed items.
And other lines picked up the pace a bit.
But not mine.
And the woman in front of me kept trying to make eye contact with me while she huffed or harrumphed -- y'know, like you do when trying for that "We're all in this together" attitude or "It's us versus them; aren't they the worst!" thing that happens sometimes in public. "Mutual misery."
But I wasn't having it.
Yes, this particular checker was incredibly slow; there was no doubt about it. But I was not in a hurry; I had nowhere else to be. So I would either ignore her (the woman, not the checker) or smile blandly at her and then go back to my phone.
Harrumphing and rolling eyes isn't going to make the line move any faster. And for that matter, the woman in front of me could have changed lines at any time. I didn't. I stayed, mentally patting myself on the back for leaving the other, faster lines for people who clearly had more important things to do.
At about the fourth or fifth harrumph, she did catch the eye of the older man behind me whose response was, "I just want to be home in time for Christmas" (it was the 23rd). Whatever. I ignored them all (and probably spent 25-30 minutes just standing line).
After I checked out, I headed back out to the bright parking lot -- and could not remember at all where I had parked my car.
While I was wandering down the first aisle of cars, I heard, "Excuse me? Can I ask you something?" And I turned to find a young woman who had clearly been crying recently standing there.
"Sure," I say.
"Umm, we're from [a nearby small town] and we're living in a Wal-Mart parking lot and I'm just trying to get some food to eat and it's not going so well..."
Several thoughts occurred to me, almost simultaneously:
- Some of my friends prepare "care packs" for just this very thing (I haven't)
- Some friends know the names and numbers of shelters and outreaches and are prepared (I wasn't)
- Wow, begging in this area of town is very unusual
- I rarely carry cash
- I happen to be carrying cash right now, pure coincidence
I don't even know if she got to the part about asking for money, but I said, "Sure" and took the small wad of cash I (very coincidentally) had in my wallet, maybe $7 or $8, I honestly don't know and I didn't look. I just handed it to her and she said, "Thank you" and "have a good rest of your day."
And then I was stuck still trying to find my car. In the 5-10 minutes it took me to finally find my vehicle (Wow, I found a much better parking spot than I remembered!), I thought some other things like
- Maybe she was lying?
- Maybe I just gave her money for drugs?
- Should I have bought her a sandwich instead?
- Why was I not prepared?
- Maybe she's a just a good actress?
- I don't care.
And I didn't care about any of the above; it seemed like the right and convenient thing to do, so I did it. And I eventually found my car.
And while putting the groceries into the trunk, the handle of one bag broke right off!
I caught the bottom of the bag with my cat-like reflexes before it hit the pavement -- it was the bag with 2 of my 4 bottles of wine it. Thank you little baby Jesus! It's a Christmas miracle.
After that, I made it home without incident and managed to unload groceries, also without incident. After all of the above excitement, though, I decided I was going to do nothing but eat cheese and bread and wine for the rest of the day.
And I did.
 |
| I regret nothing. |
P.S. There is no moral to this story, no heartfelt holiday message. It simply is what happened on December 23rd, 2017.
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