Thursday, September 19, 2013

I Enjoy Being a Girl

Today I was pulled over on the Interstate for the first time in at least five years. I was speeding. Here's how it went down:
Officer: "Do you have your license and insurance?"
Me: "Yes, sir," handing them over.
Officer: "You were going [XX] in a 60 mph zone. Do you have a reason why you were going that fast?" 
Me: "No, sir, I'm just trying to get to school."
Officer:  "Just trying to get to school, eh?"
Me:  "Yes, I teach at X. University."
Officer:  "Oh, what do you teach?"
Me:  "I teach English."
Officer:  (He gets that rueful smile that 90% of people get when I tell them I'm an English teacher.)
Me:  "Lemme guess, not a fan of English?"
Officer:  "I went to X. University."
Me:  "Oh?  I just started teaching there this semester."
Officer: "Yeah, English was never my best subject."
Me:  "That's what most people say.  I promise, I'm not going to correct your grammar."
Officer:  *chuckling*  "Well, just drive safe, okay?"
Me:  "Yes, sir, thank you."
And I left before he could change his mind.  And never mind Leonard's bald-faced lie in there.  Of course, I'm correcting your grammar!  That is why I was twitching just now when I had to write "drive safe" instead of "drive safely."

I texted my Unit about this, and here's how that exchange went:
Me:  I got pulled over on the Interstate.
Her:  Why?
Me:  Speeding.
Her: Are you costing us money?
Me:  I didn't get a ticket.
Her:  Boobies?
I laughed out loud at that, and replied, "No, not exactly."  While I was wearing a very cute dress that day, it showed neither cleavage nor leg.  Maybe he let me go because I made him laugh (I'm very funny).  Maybe he let me go because I'm adorable (I'm very adorable).  Maybe he let me go because he was afraid of red-pen-teacher-marks on whatever citation he wrote.  Whatever the reason, I'll take it!

(Annoying animated GIF compliments of Adam Rifkin)

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